What are the chances?
by Traveling Moon
Summary: Everything was supposed to be perfect for Okita and Kagura, but the baby somehow didn't look quite like his father at all. What could this mean? Who is the other person, freaking out from a far for this very same reason? What are the chances of...! (3 Chapters).
1. Chapter 1

**What are the chances? **

**1: Is life like drama? Or is drama like Life?**

Okita Sougo was supposed to be the happiest man alive.

His wife gave a successful birth to a baby (after much swearing and cursing in the operation room), and the child was a healthy one. The kid was as energetic as a newborn monkey; perfect to be a tribute in his 'eliminate Hijikata-that-scumbag-of-the-world' plan. Everything was supposed to be perfect.

… Or so he was told by Danna.

Yeah…

Okita didn't really get a chance to see his newborn right away. It was not because he wasn't there, or that he didn't care to see. As a matter of fact, he was present in the operation room by his wife's side as she went berserk; screaming millions of inappropriate things that made the nurses and the doctors cringed for their faiths in all good things in the world.

For example:

"GAHHH! OH MY FUCKING GOD! I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU BITCHES!"

"HAHAHAHA. EVERTHING SHOULD JUST BE BURNED TO ASHES. _EVERYTHING!"_

"... We're all going to die anyway..."

"FUCK, FUCK IT HURTS SO MUCH! IMMA SLAP YOU WIT MA-"

"GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR, HOE! GET DOWN ON THE FREAKING FLOOR!"

"HAGGGGGGX!"

"SUKONBUUUUUUUUUU!"

"I- SPIJLOI;ASEFHOIH'W;DLMPOOPS-"

"And now we stand in the honour of MADAO, who had finally graduated from his life as a card board man. Shall we toast!? Who wanna toast?!"

"..."

" *** ** ********** **** * *** "

But it seems that for some reason, she blamed all of her pain on him. Said that he was the one who got her knocked up, and that he should *** in the fucking hell of planet Sadists. The she decided to crush his outstretched hand (to help her through) right then and there. The pain sent him into coma and cast for several days. By the time he was released, his wife and the unseen baby have already left the hospital to settle back at their home, as if he was nothing of importance at all.

And he could just imagine his China packing her bags while leaving him a note 'I'm going off to find my own happiness' in his lunch box. She was a woman capable of doing that much.

Finally, after driving over the speed limits (despite being a policeman) and almost accidentally ran over Hijikata, he arrived at his house. Not wasting a moment, he rushed inside to the living room where his wife and baby were sitting in, watching the late evening drama.

"Yo. Feeling any better, Sadist?"

Greeted Kagura casually, slurping instant noodle from the cup as though she didn't break his hand three days ago. Her blue eyes never leaving at the TV screen which was featuring a man and his apparent wife talking in low voices.

Okita rubbed his temples.

_Something never changes._

"I'm feeling as hot and as sexy as always, China," he deadpanned, "even after you landed me in the hospital, I still feel fine."

"Oh, please. You were screaming for your life in there. You even mentioned something about have streaks of M within your DNA. I wouldn't call your face back then 'hot and sexy'."

"You didn't look so appealing either," he commented, before his eyes will wander to the bundle within her arms. Instantly, he dropped all of his maliciousness like how a bird would drop its crap. His face went soft, and he inched closer to his newest family member who was still wrapped in blankets.

"That's right! You haven't seen Sora yet!" She exclaimed as she passed the bundle along into his arm, a bit too forcefully and excitedly, for she just had a feeling that he would wimp out on her. Okita took the baby close to his drumming chest and held that figure close, afraid that slightest movements might harm the baby in some way.

He felt useless and stupid for a second. But they were still new at this, after all. Even the most brutal people in the world would go soft at the sight of their own child, right?

"You can move the blanket out of the way. Shinpachi just came and put the baby to sleep, so he won't wake up for a while." Kagura stated before she'll turn back to the TV. In the screen, the man and the woman were arguing even more hastily than they were.

_"But… I didn't mean to! Listen to me, Nobu!" _Screamed the woman, tears rushing down her face like Niagara waterfall. The blond haired man in the screen cried even louder.

_"This child… why, Nana?!" _

_"Give it up, Nobuo. The kid in Nana's stomach is mine!"_ Said another long haired man who had just entered the scene. Kagura's eyes went wide and she stuffed more noodles into her mouth excitedly.

"Holy shit, Takumi strikes again!" Kagura bellowed.

_"Stop it, Takumi!" _Nana in the screen cried.

Of course, all those screams of another anime characters did not bother Okita in the least. He was focused and expectant. Excited and nervous. His trembling fingers stretched out and tucked at the corner of the blanket slowly…

The blanket unraveled dramatically, and Okita sucked in his breath. He was meeting his firstborn for the first time! This is real! He was becoming a father!

Then he froze.

And blinked.

_Eh?_ He thought, _wait, this is… eh?_

Okita picked the corner of the blanket up to cover the baby again. In a second later, he pulled the blanket down once more, and stared.

_Huh? What? I'm not seeing things, am I? Oi, oi, did the three nights in that freaking hospital sent me to some sort of Shutter Island? I'm seeing things? Should I be worry? EH?! HUH?! _

_WHAT THE FUCK!?_

"China!" Okita called. He was on his feet now, oozing some sort of seriously black aura even more than the dark matter. His face was emotionless and pale.

Kagura turned to him in annoyance, "what? You are disturbing me during my favorite episode of NAN*, you fool!"

"What… what, you asked…?"

As thought they were on the same cue, the character in the TV, Takumi, and Okita Sougo, our prince of Sadist, exploded out the same line with a completely different tone:

_"WHOSE KID IS THIS?!" _

**"WHOSE KID IS THIS?!"**

* * *

**Well, well, I wonder whose kid that is.**

**This chap is kinda short, but the next two will be longer! Promise!**

**For those who doesn't know, I made a reference to the anime called NANA during the drama on the TV.**

**So long :)**

**PLZ, REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**What are the chances?**

**Chapter 2: Well, the chances are quite high, actually.**

After wrecking their house, destroying their neighborhood, kicking down trees, throwing stones and bears, alerting every police force within 100 km, nearly killing their friends who got too nosy (like Shinpachi who tried to step in), and crushing down the wooden bridge, Kagura and Okita finally settled down their battle at the riverbank.

"Ha… Ha…" Kagura panted, her half broken parasol hanging down from her side. She looked up and her blue eyes flashed wildly at her husband who was only a few steps away from her. To her satisfaction, he didn't look much better with his shirt ripped and his jacket torn. The two of them were covered in dirt and mud as most of the Edo population gathered into a big circle around them with the police force trying to put up some sort of a perimeter.

"Stay away! If you don't want to die, stay as far as you possibly can from those two! Can't you see that it is dangerous?!" Yelled Hijikata Toshirou angrily at the crowd who tried to push in and see what was going on. He pushed another nosy gatherer away, and suddenly got hit by a piece of brick that came flying from Kagura's hand.

"How dare you accuse me of cheating, Sadist! I might be a glutton, a sore loser, and a really pretty woman, but cheating is the one thing I'll never do, bastard!" Kagura shouted, ignoring the fact that the brick had missed her husband's head and hit the other police officer instead.

Kondo Isao decided to use his subordinate's injury to its greatest value. "If you don't want to get hit like this guy, you'd better get back! It is dangerous!" He bellowed. Luckily for him, the whole crowd scooted back with horror in their faces.

Not sparing the freaking-out Hijikata or the crowd any attention, Okita wiped his sweat away.

"Yeah? Then how do you explain _that_?_"_ He asked, pointing at the baby who was now sitting peacefully within Gintoki's arm. For a second, he allowed his eyes to glance over their comrades' faces, which were full of horror and tiredness. Some, the straight men of the anime, were covered in dirt and injuries as well.

_'That's what you get from trying to butt into family matters, fools,' _he thought vengefully, recalling the moment when things were spinning off hand and when Shinpachi and Hijikata were trying to separate their fights.

_"Okita-san, calm down- AGHHH MY GLASSES!"_

_"Oi, Sougo! What kind of a police officer are you to go around and destroy your neighborhood?! You just set three houses on fire, you bastard! Committing seppuku wouldn't be enough to atone for this, dammit!"_

_"You should butt out before your house will be the next, Hijikata-san,"_ he remember he said that, _"has no one ever told you that you nag like one of those old gossiping lady?"_

Kagura's voice snapped him back to the current moment, "what the hell do you mean?! Speak up like a man, dude! You're confusing me!"

"The hair!" Okita said impatiently, "the baby's hair is blue! How the fuck is that possible when you have orange hair and I have brown?!"

Looking at the baby again, Okita huffed. The baby had got Kagura's azure eyes, all right. He would never fail to recognize those same pair of eyes anywhere. The problem was the fact that the baby looked nothing like Okita. How was the baby's hair dark blue? How was it that the baby looked like her, and not him?!

This could only mean a painful death to some bastard out there that had an affair with his wife.

"I don't freaking know! Maybe you genes are just weak or something, or maybe you're impotent. It could imply so many things, Sadist, and that's the solution you came up with?! Jerk!" She was getting really frustrated now. He thought that she cheated on him!? _So much for the trust, you sack of shit! _She thought angrily.

Okita brought his finger to his temple thoughtfully while deadpanning, "what exactly are you unsatisfied with? Hmm? My personalities? My looks? My bazooka? No, wait; my bazooka is even bigger than Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon, so there's no way you would be unsatisfied with that. Putting it simply, everything about me is just too perfect. So why did you have to go and have an affair? Am I too good? Am I too perfect?"

"Have you ever thought that it might be because of your overly confident-in-what-you-don't-have side?" Kagura replied hastily.

The two spent another intense moment glaring at each other. Just when another fight was about to break out, somebody unexpected stepped in between the couple.

Gintoki, with the baby tied around his back, slapped his pink strawberry patterned slippers at the two's heads with a remarkable sound.

"That's enough out of you, brats!" He spoke loudly, causing every eye to fall on him in silence. For a moment, it seems as though they were back at the beetle hunting event again.

"Don't you feel bad for the all the damage you've caused? Don't go around, troubling people with your stupid problems! What about this poor child? How is he going to feel, seeing the two of you like this?! If you have conflicts, you should spend time to talk it out, fools!" The silver haired samurai said. Kagura and Okita looked up at him in surprise, for it wasn't often that he would actually have something cool to talk about. Then, with his next sentence, Gintoki opened the eyes of the married couple into a new light.

"What about me? The kid just peed on my back! It's disgusting! Take him off my hand already!"

… The new light in which Sakata Gintoki can never look cool in this author's fan fiction, no matter how hard he tried.

* * *

After that long battle, Okita and Kagura finally came to the hospital to clear up some misunderstanding.

"We're so, so, so sorry!" cried the doctor for mercy, his head cowered down at the couple's feet in order to avoid looking at the two's expressions.

"So let me get this right," Kagura began, "you gave me the wrong child?"

"Yes! The child who is with you right now is actually somebody else's. But the only reason I got it wrong was because…"

"WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE REASON, YOU BASTARD!" yelled the couple as they started to kick the poor doctor. "TELL ME WHERE OUR CHILD IS RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT! WE'LL KILL THOSE KIDNAPPERS!"

"They're… not… GAHH kidnappers!" The doctor tried to say, but passed the piece of paper to the enraged couple anyway to end his suffering. "Here's … the name of the other parents…"

Immediately, the two grabbed onto the paper and dashed out of the room just as another doctor had entered. The doctor's eyes looked around the messy room, and he helped his colleague who was struggling to stand up.

"Was that the Okitas just now? WHOA. Hirano, what the hell happened here?"

"Ah, well," the other doctor said, stuffing a tissue into his nose to stop the bleeding, "I accidentally switched two children at birth, so one pair the parents came to beat me up."

"How did you manage that, man?"

"That's because of their names!" Exclaimed the poor guy, "their names were too similar!"

"Names?"

"Yes! I mean, Okita Sougo-san put in his occupation as the Shinsengumi officer, right?! And the name of the occupation of the other mother was Miwamarigumi! It's just too similar! And I thought they were the couple or something, because their jobs just fit too much!"

"Miwa… Shinsen… you mean those two big police forces…?!"

"YEAH! Furthermore, Okita Kagura-san also put her name maiden name in as Kagura Yato, and the other father's name was Kamui Yato, so I got the order all switched up because I thought that Kagura Yato was supposed to be Kamui Yato's wife!"

Horrible silence befalls the room. As someone who was always Kagura's doctor since she came to Earth, the doctor who had just came in knew her destruction power all too well. He had seen marks of it whenever Sakata Gintoki came in and claimed that he was abused by Kagura, his sister/ daughter-like little girl. Not to mention, he had watched every episode of Gintama; therefore, he also knew that Super Nova was about to occur right here Edo city at any given moment.

Hirano then added lamely, "I mean, what are the chances of all that? Getting those two kids mixed up and stuff because their parents' names are so much alike? Personally, I think the chances are big."

Hirano, his colleague, had just made a fatal mistake by grouping up those four dangerous monsters.

Hirano, his colleague, might just put the end to the world.

"Hirano, call the Shogun Palace."

"Huh? What are you…"

"Tell them to declare lock down in Edo city right away. This is an emergency state we're in… And oh, don't forget to prepare every hospital room we have available and call up every doctors. We are likely to need all that."

* * *

_In Space…_

Kamui was supposed to be the happiest man alive.

He had just come back from his long business trip, and will finally get to meet his precious child with Nobume, the lone female fighter of Miwamarigumi.

Several years ago, they met through Takasuki's connection with Sasaki Isaburo. And who would've thought that they would hit it off so well, with their bloodlust nature and all? Sure, in the beginning, they couldn't help but try to hunt down each other's XXX and do this and that with it, but in the end, with a little twist of fate, they ended up pretty much or less together.

And _still _got each other's XXX.

"My child is going to be so strong Abuto. With my blood and Nobu-chan's, nothing can stop us!" chimed Kamui as he skipped down the hallway of the ship, still dressed in bloody clothes and all (it seems that he had forgotten the other deadly combo of Sadist prince and China Kaiju** down in the planet called Earth). Abuto, his subordinate, could only sigh.

"Shouldn't you get changed before that?"

Kamui, totally ignoring him, kept on talking. "And I will finally get to play the survival game with someone after so many years! You know, one of those old, traditional Yato game? The 'walk or die', or 'call me Papa or die', and the 'this world is cruel*' game! Man, I'm excited."

"Please don't be." Abuto muttered under his breathe while praying for the wellbeing of the poor baby.

Finally, they arrived at the room where they heard Nobume was resting at. Without any delicacy or warning, Kamui kicked the door open with a big grin on his face.

"Nobu-chan! I came here to…"

Kamui's sentence was cut short when he saw the baby in Nobume's arm. (Un)surprisingly, the child possessed that characteristic brown hair, which didn't belong to neither of the parent.

"Kamui," said Nobume plainly, "I was getting sick of waiting for you."

Both male who had just entered the room froze. Immediately, Abuto did a one-plus-millions calculation in his head, and put all the possibilities together.

Then he looked at Kamui's face.

_Oh, crap,_ Abuto thought. And two seconds after, the good old subordinate was sprinting down the hall way to the engine room while yelling like a lunatic.

"EMERGENCY LANDING! LAND THE SHIP RIGHT NOW!"

"Eh? But, Abuto-san…"

"Land it." Panted Abuto to one of his operator. He looked around the engine room and saw a screen detecting some nearby planet, "land it to the nearest planet. At this rate, we're going to crash any…"

"NOBU-CHAN?!"

The whole ship heard the name of the commander's wife, for it was so loud that it echoed everywhere around the vast space of their resident.

"WHOSE KID IS THIS?!"

Upon hearing (what seems to be) his death sentence, Abuto barked orders to the still shocked operator, "LAND THE SHIP! LAND THE SHIP IMMEDIATE…"

BOOM!

A loud explosion was heard from the left wing of the flying ship, before the boat will sway to the side at an incredible speed.

This whole thing was going down.

* * *

***'This world is cruel' is a catch phrase from the anime 'Attack on Titan'.**

**** Kaiju is the name of monsters from the movie 'Pacific Rim'.**

**Hi guys! sorry for the late update. Just when I thought that school couldn't get aby busier, it did. Life just had to smack you in the face whenever you have a fanfiction to update, doesn't it?**

**Well, the last chap is going to be the showdown between the two families. Hope you're lookking forward to it!**

**PLEASE COMMENT AND REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**What are the chances**

**Chapter 3: chances are, you might end up in BL in a better life**

If asked, Okita Sougo's answer upon the subject of his misplaced child would be "very pissed".

But of course, nobody needed to ask him that. His enraged face and dark aura said it all as he was running down the Edo street (which was unusually quiet) along with his wife. After a moment of running without any plans or clues, the two finally stopped to fumble over the crumpled piece of paper (that they had forgotten due to rage), and Kagura started reading the address written on there.

" 'Nincompoop seventh ship'…? Sadist, this isn't an address, it's some fucking flying ship's name!" Exclaimed Kagura furiously. _Great_, she thought, _now I'm just going to have to look for my child who could possibly be in another galaxy with some retard who named his ship 'Nincompoop'. Who the hell would name their ship 'Nincompoop'? I've never seen such idiocy before in my life!_

… Little did she know that she have certainly met that so called 'retard' before… And that she is also related to him.

Okita tossed the paper behind him with no regard to the environmental issues out there. "Well, I guess we're just going to have to start looking from this only clue. Whichever idiot named their ship 'Nincompoop' is bound to be caught, one way or another. For starters, I'll head to the terminal and abuse my authority as a police to get more clues on this ship. China, I trust your instincts to act on this correctly, though, I suggest you go back home and pull some body bags out of the garage."

"Oh," she snorted while adjusting the sleeping baby who was tied around her back into the more comfortable position, "you _trust _my instincts, but not my affe… what _used to_ resemble affection, huh?"

Okita flinched invisibly. _Crap, I completely forgot about it, _he thought.

"Yeah… can we discuss that later? I promise to even apologize properly."

"You'd better have Sukonbu or your head served on the platter tonight, you little shit head!" She yelled, before her delicate figure will disappear down the empty street as she ran. Her umbrella bobbled up and down until she turned at the corner.

And Okita just knew she wouldn't listen to his suggestion to go home.

"Geez, the same as always." He murmured. Many years of marrying to her, and she never lost that defiant and adventurous spirit she possessed. For some reason, he felt glad for that, even though things would be so much easier if she would just listen to him.

He smirked. _But then life wouldn't be so interesting, right, China?_

He turned his way, and headed toward the terminal.

* * *

Kagura was busy shopping for the most stylish body bags there are in the store.

Sure, she knew that Okita has some of those at home, but they were all plain black and boring. If she was going to do this, she wanted to do it with a bang.

She picked up a red, black and yellow striped body bag and examined it carefully.

"Sadist can fit into this." She spoke to herself out loud as she tossed it into the cart. Of course she wasn't going to let him live down the fact that he accused her of cheating. After all this is over, he'll be sleeping in this bag she hand picked out of love for eternity and rot in some sideway bush.

One thing was that, she wasn't sure what she has to do with the baby who fell asleep on her back. Like it or not, Kagura was already bonded with him for the past three days. Maybe she can negotiate with the kidnappers, or maybe she would just take the two babies in with her. Either way, she wasn't going to leave this baby with irresponsible parents. She might've once told Gin-chan to finish off and abandon a pregnant lady he ran over with his scooter, but she's not evil enough to do the same thing... yet.

Just when Kagura was about to grab another beautifully crafted body bag for the thieves who stole her child, a loud crash was heard from the outside.

BOOM.

The Yato woman rushed to the front of the store and saw a flying ship spiraling down from the sky.

Conveniently, her blue eyes caught the glimpse of the word 'NINCOMPOOP' plastered on the side of the ship. As it crashed somewhere farway, a small smirk appeared on Kagura's face.

"So the kidnappers decided to show themselves early, huh? Undertaker-san*! I want to purchase the body bag in the cart along with the other two I just got. Oh, you can send all the bills including taxes fee to Okita Sougo too!"

"Ehehehe," replied the owner of the store with his face hidden under his silver hair, "certainly, dear customer. Your couple's dynamic love always makes me laugh, after all."

"Thanks," Kagura said as she grabbed her umbrella and step outside of the store with three boy bags hanging over her shoulder, "I'll make sure you have another good laugh when I deliver Sadist's dead body to you. Thanks for the bag!"

With that, the soon to be homicidal Yato ran toward the lump of dark smoke which appeared from where the ship crashed. She was determined to get her child back no matter what. She was, after all, trained to become a good mother like her Mami!

* * *

Okita turned his head to where he heard a loud BOOM from.

Conveniently, he also noticed the big red NINCOMPOOP lining up along the side of the ship as well. No duh, that ship's name was so obviously promoted, as if it was the greatest word in the universe. The letters even have a 3D pop-up touch to it. This is even more advertising than Gintama's second movie!

Finally, the police officer dropped the collar of the terminal guard who was in his way earlier and abandoned the poor guard on the floor.

"It doesn't seem like I'll need you to help me hack into the computer system any longer. Thank you again for your cooperation." Okita stated blankly.

"What cooperation!? You just barged in here, knocked out my teeth and…"

"Shhh. It's okay," said Okita kindly with his sadistic smile, "I forgive you."

"FOR WHAT?!"

"For not being able to help me wth anything since I got here, you useless bastard. Now," he knocked the guard out with the blow from the end of his sword, "I'll even put you to rest so you won't be traumatize by what's about to happen. Lucky you, no?"

Then he turned to the lump of smoke which was erupting from the wrecked ship. Whoever kidnapped his child and caused conflict between him and his wife must pay with their blood!

* * *

The first thing Okita saw once he arrived at the scene was a pink haired guy rampaging around the ship.

"Abuto! Tell me, where the hell did Nobu-chan go!?"

A guy from under the rubble with his body buried under the ground and only his head above the surface croaked an answer to that seemingly futile question, "Calm yourself, Danchou. Of course your wife would leave after you tried to attack her with a baby still in her arm! Honestly, you went overboard this time."

"It's not my fault." Kamui answered nonchalantly, "That kid was clearly not mine. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Maybe you should have talked it out or something?! Where the hell did your common sense go?!"

"On a long vacation to Insanity Island. You should've known that since the first day you applied to be my subordinate, no? I wrote that part in my 'How to Take Care of Kamui-san Guidebook: Edition 2', did I not?"

"Did you actually expect me to read that shit?! That Guidebook was even thicker than the Holy Bible or a dictionary!"

_Huh, _Okita thought smugly, _so I'm not the only bastard out there who attacked his wife to day. How about that, China?_

Just when Okita was drawing his katana, the pink haired guy who resembled his wife abruptly turned around and eyed the officer in such a way that would send a chill down one's back.

But of course, being an insensitive bum that he is, Okita was unaffected by the death glare. "Hello, kidnapper," he greeted with a sadistic smirk, "I was wondering about what sort of a badass my child's kidnapper must be, and now I'm faced with a pink haired guy with a family issue? How disappointing."

Kamui raised an eyebrow with an effortless smirk. "Huh? What sort of crap are you babbling about? I don't need to kidnap anyone's ugly child, I only need the one that's rightfully mine, you impotent being."

"Don't lie, punk! I already know that you kidnapped my beautiful child." Said Okita with his bare katana held out in a challenging posture.

"Your child?" Kamui thought about it for a while. Suddenly, his memory flashed back to the baby's brown hair, and then his brain did some awesome crap he never knew it could do.

_Comparison initiate… match found._

_Look at that uniform! Isn't similar to Nobu-chan's? + The baby's hair is the exact same color as this guy! How funny is that? But I'm not laughing + He is referring to my supposed to be child as his child…_

_= THIS BASTARD IS THE THIRD HAND IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE._

"Oh… I see. So that's how it is."

"Huh?"

Okita observed as dark aura spread out from behind Kamui. And to his surprise, the guy suddenly opened his eyes with crazy bloodlust pooling in his blue irises.

Abuto scrambled from beneath the ground, but no amount of strength could pull him out in time. "Wait, Danchou! How am I going to explain this to Takasugi Shinsuke?! Stop for a second…"

Before Abuto could finish his words, a battle broke out before him.

* * *

Kagura was in a rush when she bumped into someone around the corner of the street.

"Ah…"

"Whoa! Dammit, watch your fat ass, bitch… oh, it's you! Nobume-chan!" Kagura exclaimed in surprise, changing her tone completely. Last time she heard anything regarding this female officer, Nobume was doing a babysitting job for some lunatic in space.

"Kagura-chan," Nobume started. She stared at the other woman's strikingly familiar look to her older brother, and sighed with minimum expression on her face.

She was angry with Kamui. But even so, she must admit that she was glad to see her friend in the Sadist Sisterhood.

Kagura's face dropped into one of concern, "what's wrong? You don't look like you're feeling well. Not that you show a lot of emotions, but I noticed that your usually silky hair is a bit of a mess today. But I'm not trying to say that you look ugly or anything, though."

At that moment, Kagura regretted the fact that she hung around a loser like Gin-chan and Shinpachi for so long. Those losers rubbed off their stupidity and awkwardness onto her!

Nobume considered the matter for a moment, and decided to tell Kagura everything in one sentence.

"My husband accused me of cheating on him and tried to attack me."

"WHAT?!" Kagura yelled. "Mine just did the same thing! Those idiot pigs! Men are so annoying, no? I don't even know why I hang around them anymore!"

At this, Nobume nodded in an agreement. "Truly, they are. We should just go lesbian for each other already."

Kagura nodded also. "Men are always like, _'look at those girls, they want the D!' _NUHUH! I don't want the D, they are the ones who want the V. Even if you can somehow manage to find it, I still wouldn't want you small dicks, fools!"

Panting and venting out their frustration, the two women got deeper into their conversation.

"I mean, because the Sadist went crazy like that, now I don't even have a house to sleep in tonight. See, because we got into a fight, the house is a wreck!"

"Oh, mine too." Said Nobume as she untied the baby around her back, quietly surprised by how similar their stories are. "The moment my hus… _ex_-husband saw the baby, he freaked out and crashed our ship. But if I go to Isaburo's place tonight, he would probably freak out even more."

Kagura, who was rocking the baby back and forth, paused.

"…_Your_ ship?"

"Yes," Nobume answered, "the one with the stupid name… NINCOMPOOP. Popped up in 3D and have a rainbow color slogan."

It sunk into Kagura's head after a moment. And suddenly, the two looked down at the baby in each other's' arms.

Something just clicked inside. They felt like one of those grade school kids who had always gotten an F in the math class, but then hit their head and turned into some sort of math genius god.

…

"Oh… OH. Well, crap."

* * *

"OHRAAA!"

"HAAAAA!"

"WAITTT!"

Went the sounds of all three men present on the battlefield.

The first was from Kamui, who had just bounced off the tree and was charging towards the guy he considered to be the cockblocker in his relationship.

The second was from Okita, who had just dodged an umbrella that headed to his head like a spear and was slicing his katana across a giant rock that came flying right after.

The last was from Abuto, who was just stuck there on the ground, helpless to defend himself or even steer clear of the two monsters.

"YOU GUYS! LET'S BE RATIONAL AND TALK THIS OUT!"

"Shut up, Abuto!" Said Kamui, "I'm busy here."

"Yes, shut up, Abby." Said Okita. "I'm also busy."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING ABBY, YOU BASTARD?!"

At that, Kamui did a wonderful backflip, landing on his feet lightly with a broad smile and said, "I must admit, you're better than I thought it would be. This is getting fun."

"I also must say," Okita began after rolling off the floor with his bazooka pointed at Kamui, "that you're not half bad."

The two men stood up abruptly, ignoring Abuto's scream of pleas and his head that was just popping of the ground in between them. With pride and manliness the two had accumulated over the years of being warriors, they picked up their designated weapon and sped towards each other.

"WAIT A FUCKING SECOND!"

Abuto yelled with his eyes squeezed shut. He expected the blow to hit him hard. It would probably send him all the way to another manga or another publishing company that is not Shouen Jump. Like, what, he might have to reside in one of those BL/ Yaoi manga, but it would probably still be better than being abused by Kamui.

After a long moment, the blow did not connect to his head. Slowly, Abuto opened his eyes and looked up to see four… no, six figures, towering above him, casting shadows.

Out of the six, two (which were visibly men) hunched over due to the fists that were connected to their stomach. Their weapons dropped by their sides as they gazed up with an astonished looks. Their mouth gaped open, forming into squeezed words.

"Chi… China girl… you…"

"Nobu… chan…?"

Abuto moved his eyes to the other two figures that stood above to two men- to the owners of those fists. They were delicate, yet strangely scary as dark aura overflowed._ Wait, are those two Danchou's wife and little sister?_

And of course, the other two figures were the babies who returned safely to their rightful mothers. Not surprisingly, the two babies were laughing, showing off the sadistic streaks that were passed onto them by DNA.

"Ha!" yelled Kagura at her husband, clearly satisfied as he dropped down on the floor, "you have just been manhandled. How are you feeling, hubby?"

Nubume looked at her husband with the same lifeless eyes, but that rare little smirk on her face conveyed everything she felt. "Owned," she stated blankly.

Paralyzed due to the hit from their beloved wives into the vital organs, the two men were unable to speak, let alone move. Kagura took this opportunity and put a red collar around Okita's neck while Nobume pulled Kamui by his braid.

Then extending her free hand, Nobume said, "that was fun, Kagura-chan. We should hangout more often."

"Yup," replied the Yato female as she shook Nobume's hand while handing her one of the body bags- the rainbow one. "Next time, let's meet up with Tsukki and Soyo-chan in Yoshiwara. Also, thanks for bringing my baby all the way here."

"Anything for the Sadist Sisterhood," Nobume replied. She dragged Kamui by his hair to some distant, then glanced over at Okita Sougo and said, "Good luck with that thing, Kagura-chan. It might take a lot of time and effort and blood and punches to get the message across to them, but remember that I'll be doing the same thing."

"You too!" Kagura yelled back with a wave, not noticing that the person in Nobume's grip was her older brother. She was, after all, having too much fun imagining what she could do with Sadist in this state.

"I'll give you a proper explanation after I'm done beating the crap out of you... though it might not be possible for you to hear anything after that. But oh, look at what I've got for you; it's a body bag that you'll be sleeping in tonight! Since I bought it with your money, I picked out the most stylish one. See the red strips? Isn't it the cutest thing?" she tauntedher husband as she tugged on the chain and slid him across the floor like he's a dishrag, causing the brown haired baby on her back let out a little squeal of happiness.

Then the six of them disappeared into the sunset as fast as they came, leaving Abuto's head to be showered in the beautiful deep crimson, among all the destruction that was left behind.

* * *

*** Undertaker was a character from the anime 'Black Butler'**

**** BL stands for Boys Love, featuring the fabulous love between guys. Yaoi implies the same thing. **

**I'm sincerely sorry for the late update. All I can say is that "ICE STORM. POWER OUTAGE. NEW YEAR. FREE DRINKS. EXAMS" happened.**

**Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed.**

**PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS & REVIEWS!**


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